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<span>刚才跟同事一起出去吃饭 饭桌上有她二师傅还有几个不认识的人  吃了一会儿她二师傅对着一个岁数挺大的人喊 师哥 来喝一口  然后我同事就说 二师傅 他是你师哥 我是不是应该叫师伯 她二师傅就愣了 然后说他姓施 哎呦喂 这给我们乐的啊 有个人酒都喷了</span>


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<span>本姑娘感冒了，外甥说“我房间有板蓝根”，我又问“有效期是？” 他说“不知道，上次我感冒喝了一袋就好了”............. 早上我特意去看了一下.... 板蓝根... 生产日期2010，保质期2年.... 现在是2017年4月份..... [Chuckle][Chuckle][Chuckle][Chuckle][Chuckle][Chuckle][Chuckle]</span>


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<span>上联：光换kindle不读书，穷烧耳机不听歌。<br/>下联：有纹身的都怕热，用苹果的都没兜。<br/>横批：装逼快乐</span>


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<span>别人问我为啥不找男朋友，我说因为我怕男朋友嫌我胸小，总不能让未来男票觉得他在搞基吧，，，</span>


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<span>早上登陆账号，收到的简历，吓尿了。</span>


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<span>神一般的巧合<br/>一个朋友，关系很好，就是那种你一张嘴他就知道你要说啥，好久没联系了，那天跟他聊天，然后他说要不交换qq干和密码玩，我说可以，我的密码是前面几个字母，后面是520，没想到他的秘码是前面是几个字母，后面是1314，突然心里面真的有一种感觉，想要跟他一辈子在一起的的感觉，却迫于某些原因却只能说是真的好巧，心里面那些波涛汹涌的话到嘴边又咽下去。不知道他有没有玩糗百，会不会看见</span>


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<span>备注:玻璃球是红色!<br/>跟女儿一起玩弹玻璃球，用劲太狠一不小心把她的玻璃球弹丢了，女儿哇的一声哭了起来，指着我说:我得红球，红球,红球……听着咋感觉像骂我混球呢？</span>


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<span>说个奇葩男友的事   见过圣诞节送礼物  收到的是棵树的心情么   我是崩溃的</span>


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<span>卧室进了一只蚊子【肉眼看到的就一只】  我妈赶了半天  发现它还在床边嗡嗡响   然后她走过去把门关了 坐下来说了句:“赶不走它就不赶了  干脆把它撑死得了 ”   我亲妈  它又不傻  笑死我了！哈哈哈哈</span>


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<span><img src="/static/images/thumb/anony.png?v=b61e7f5162d14b7c0d5f419cd6649c87" alt="匿名用户"/></span>
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<span>穿越看到的，对付抢座位的就应该这样</span>


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<span class="cmt-name">、如歌</span>

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：丧(gan)心(de)病(piao)狂(liang)
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<span>#你学生时代喜欢的那个人现在怎么样了？#高中时期，喜欢过一个女孩。她是文科生，我是理科生。她在三楼，我在五楼。每天饭点放学都第一个跑出教室，那样可以正好在三楼相遇，为的也只是看她一眼。并没有表白过，也算不上爱情，就是单纯的喜欢吧。大家都以为我是吃货，迫不及待地跑去食堂，其实我只是想看看自己的意中人，那一天中仅有的三次机会，不想错过，倍加珍惜。高中毕业后，大家各奔前程，再无交集。在生命的某一刻，在旅途的某一个地方，也许真的会有那样一个人，默默地看着你，单纯地喜欢你，不曾言语，独自享受着你出场那一刻...</span>
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<span>想起个搞笑的事，这是我妈跟我说的，她说有一次她睡觉，梦到我哥不听话在教训我哥时，抬起手就往我哥脸上“啪”的甩了一巴掌……<br/>结果……现实中是…可怜了睡在她旁边的我爸了，白白无缘无故挨了一巴掌……</span>


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<span>每次听到女儿唱歌，我就跟着哼调子，每次哼不了2句，就会被阻止。说我把她带走音，音痴一个。</span>


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<span>最新两期的小鸡炖蘑菇都没有前3三季好看了。。我们需要的是像以前的蜜汁笑点，而不是现在看几个主播玩半小时的狼人杀。。希望重视。。</span>


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<span>恭喜丁俊晖顺利晋级四强，希望能拿到世锦赛冠军！！！！！</span>


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<span>儿子小时候比较调皮，他快两岁的时候，经常趁大人不注意，自己爬茶几上，转着圈的尿尿，边尿还边笑的咯咯的～～～</span>


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<span>闺女爱跟我妈玩，不理我，我妈就幽幽的说了一句，拾大粪的不理酱鸡屎，我听成了吃大粪的不理酱鸡屎，还脑补了一下，我妈就是那大粪我就是那鸡屎，然后我弱弱的问了一句，我是鸡屎，那她（闺女）是啥，是屎壳郎吗？我妈先是一愣随即白了我一眼，来了一句，她是拾大粪的！！！……</span>


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<span>妹子不割啦～新鲜出炉～刚跟闺蜜在车上聊天，人很多，我摸着她突出来的肚子，她用肚子鼓劲，然后一动一动的，我说:你左右动一动，她说，只能上下动，左右动不了，我以糗百的精神说了一句，你再想一下你刚才说的话，然后我就来发段子了。。。她说要把我往水缸里塞，好好洗一下我</span>


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<span>我们学校门口新开了一家烧烤店，每天前三名进店可享受五折优惠。为了能吃一个五折恶烧烤，昨天我和宿舍老三下课留在门外等着，终于等到老板把炭和食材拿出来了，我和老三进去了……</span>


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<span>一个人在六楼等电梯下去一楼！我左右一看，没人，我就放了个屁，刚刚放完，电梯拐角就进来一个阿姨！然后....阿姨从六楼到一楼的表情没重复过！</span>


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